On Danke

I enjoyed visiting extended family at Thanksgiving today. For a while. I'm well into the age for which I'm on the same level as the adults and parents in the house, catching up, updating statuses, and swapping experiences. But I just didn't do that much today. I got asked a little bit about my transition from school to the new job, but that's about it.

I actually really want to have legitimate, real conversations with some of my relatives, but that just wasn't allowed today. So much conversation centers on the most pointless and the repetitive. Yes, talk about how the dog finds the tennis ball in the yard every time. Tell it again for the new people, too. No, I don't give a flying fuck about who wins the football game Saturday. But yeah, chide me for going to the rival school. Haha, that's funny, as I scream quietly in my head.

I suppose it's the group dynamic. I couldn't approach some of these people already in conversations I couldn't relate to and ask about what's going on in their lives. I'm too distant and the barriers to entry are too high. But I genuinely want to be connected to them, learn about them and from their experiences. ...Especially since some of them are just a few steps ahead of where I am in life.

But all holiday events in my family end with a single, infuriating tradition. Well, they don't end, I guess. What I mean is that my parents are in control of when they, me, and my siblings leave the gathering. And we consistently stay the longest of anyone, not overstaying our welcome, but certainly outlasting my patience. One parent or another says we should be getting going, but we stay. We stay we stay we stay. They continue the aforementioned conversations that I have no part in, and I wait around, keeping composure. Not once do I remember ever having to leave before I wanted to; it has always been the opposite. And well into the opposite.

Still, if I distance myself from these annoyances, my appreciation for seeing my extended family is there, certainly. Even in the mundane I see the character of my cousins, uncles, and their children. I retroactively understand their changes through our yearly meetings, see glimpses of their lives through conversations past me. I do have a sense of belonging there, even though I am quite different from so many of them.

When I get thankful, I often get to the real, basic privileges I have in life that create the fortunate place I'm in. I don't feel like those are covered quite enough. I'm thankful for my family, for all my parents have provided me that has put me on this course to being successful. I'm thankful for my country, which is a stable one that allows me to speak and live freely, unlike so many other places in the world. I'm thankful for the history of women and men working, fighting, thinking, creating, and dying for the greater good, so that we might have the world as we know it today. I'm thankful for the grand cosmic coincidence of the universe that permits us to exist in spite of its own hostile nature. We're fragile little people on a fragile little rock, and we have to take care of each other and it to survive. If we're only going to remember that once a year, I'm sure as hell going to make sure we do.

This year, more than usual, I'm thankful for friends, old and especially new, as well, for them opening me up to new perspectives and experiences, for making me feel worth something, and for allowing me to perhaps make their lives a little better, too. Which is always my goal.

This song was just too good for me when I was ten and playing THPS1. You can take it as a love song, sure, but in this case I'd look at it as a plea for an appreciation of just what brought us to be where we are, here and now.