On Head & Shoulders

I've got a pretty strong running streak of uninteresting Valentine's Days. Really, I don't get too bothered by the holiday. It's not as if this day is a special marker to breach to ensure happiness. It doesn't hurt any more than any other day, which may be more than I'd like to admit.

The effect it has on others does get to me, however. I used to have potential commiserators, but they're being swooped up right quick.

As usual, I chickened out from asking the tough question on an otherwise upbeat evening. Some part of me wants to cling to this stable position I've got. The other part is this no-consequences, tell-all side that likes to take a backseat in truly stressful situations.

She's going to France for the summer. Is that why? If she was back home, would it be that different? Probably. Being far away from home has a... "liberating" sensation. It's good to leave ties behind and not create ones before you go.

I've experienced that before...

But she's someone I can talk to, someone with which I feel like I'm always on the same level. I get that with some people, but then there are other, smaller things. There are also things I don't know, but for once, I feel like finding out.

People don't often click for me, and she did. This isn't a move a make often. I can count on my hand the number of times. What I'm saying is that I'm serious. This is more than something of annoyance, some nagging responsibility across the pond.

I wonder what she'd think if she read this. It's so silly of me to pine here, alone, hoping for chance to turn in my favor. But if I ask, that somehow makes me weak, desperate. Bit late for that, I guess.

I play such stupid games with myself.