On Looping

This song is absolutely beautiful. I could listen to it over and over. And I do. And I have. And I am, right now. I listen to it so many times in a row that I lose count. The plays meld and mix with the time, only briefly differentiating themselves at the ending pause.

I'm thinking a lot about The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzimaya. I finished watching the "Endless 8" episodes, which were a profound waste of time. They could have taken it to such greater heights, but they did not, and ultimately left it as a prime example of filler.

But the looping motif only serves as a distraction from the real issue that won't leave my brain. It's the longing for such an ideal world, full of excitement and enjoyment and strange occurrences.

I think I'm more similar to Haruhi that I realize, except that I don't always have the same outgoing nature, much less her more... eccentric abilities.

I'm constantly battling with myself over admitting that I would prefer such an imaginary place. I would prefer to know someone like her. I refuse to use the word "escape" when referring to any fictional place I would immerse myself in. I don't want to be dissatisfied with the real.

Maybe I just haven't met the right person or found the right way of living. I just hope that my last year of college life isn't the last where I am among friends, where I am inclined to do fun things. I'm not afraid of 8-5, but I am afraid of the desolate weekend.