On Problems

It's a problem that just keeps building. The family likes to think that it subsides when we go for a while without an explosion. But it doesn't get any better because we don't resolve or change anything. It's just... so very hard. It's unstable. I'm going to try my best to diffuse it slowly by establishing regular communications.

I'm scared. For him. For everyone.

I want desperately to talk with someone about this, but I just can't burden other people with my problems. I don't feel like I know anyone for which it's fair for me to approach with all this. So I post about it, quietly, on a blog, with hopes that someone would come to me, willing to listen. Someone that would understand the pain behind my eyes when a happy face is required.

This song makes me cry when I consider what he might be thinking, especially when I'm sure he's listened to it before...

And now I'm already second-guessing myself before posting this. "Don't be so melodramatic." ...But it's how I feel. And this is... Yeah, it fucking is. It's the biggest problem I've ever faced in my life.