These past two days have been the most emotionally turbulent that I can possibly remember. What's worse is that I'm jumping to so, so many conclusions. "Cautiously optimistic" just gets thrown out the window. What's the worst is that I know it's me alone doing it to myself.
I'm sitting in class getting goosebumps and chills, flushes and rushes over and over again. I am distracted for large portions of lectures contemplating hypothetical scenarios. I am seething with rage at every second I am held over at this meeting, at every inane question I am needlessly tied down to hear, because I have something to do. I have something to do that is so magnanimous in my mind, but so trivial in reality.
Even the rain won't stop me. I mentally turn it into a positive. I hope for a predicament. I hope my umbrella comes in handy. I hope to make poetic and impressive observations of this downpour and its effects on the human psyche and condition.
I postpone needed work and rush out the door. A glance is all it took to take me from the highest point to the lowest at a rate inversely comparable to commercial car acceleration statistics. "Anticlimactic" doesn't even come close. I read so deeply, so closely that I make assumptions no sane person would.
I've never done this before. This next message will make or break me. She doesn't know the power she wields, and I don't know why I gave it to her.
--- 2 hours later ---
Fuck
No comments:
Post a Comment