On Medicine

Going into any place of medicine puts me in my mental state of most unease. I despise it. So, so much.

It's a reminder of mortality, of the fragile, fragile state of our existence. That no matter the power of love, art, beauty, discovery, or will, if you get sick, you're sick. You can look at the receptionist all you want: she's feeling well today, and you're not. Such is the unfortunate state of the physical form.

It's not even the sterile environment. In this place, it's how nice and comfortable everything is. It's like the room is trying to distract you from the reality and potential severity of where you are and why you're there. However, I understand why. It's not like I can live dwelling on things like this. It's a necessity to provide pretty paintings, flowers, and nice patterned seats for people to...

A depressed me would say "cling to". Right now, I'll just say "enjoy".

Perhaps this stems from the fact that I almost never went to the doctor as I grew up. To get shots, sure, but the dentist was the only regular visit (and I still get a toy when I go, though I now have to say it's for my sister). It usually is, though. I don't need another bouncy ball.

I've never been inoculated against tragedy, you know. It's not like I'm asking for it, though. (Though, in the colloquial sense, I sure am...)

There's more to say, but I'm procrastinating as it is.

On Capricorn and the Future

1. It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Were you aware?

Now I'm all for promoting... I guess, awareness of important issues like this, including giving money for research into finding a cure and all that. I mean, who could possibly be against such a thing?

I just have a problem with the unfortunate state of other cancers. You're never going to see a Colon Cancer Awareness Month, or, if you actually do, it won't be nearly as popular. Brown ribbons just don't fly as well as pink. I guess I'm bothered that money and attention (Go Tech) is spent on issues with such frivolous impetus or meaning. Breasts are often objects of sexual desire. Great. Brain tumors and Leukemia are pretty bad, too.

But, shit man: tits!

I won't go into nor do I know the numbers on what's worse; that's not the point. It's just that focus shouldn't be swayed on something so irrelevant or silly.

Also, it irks me a bit that there's this sly, reserved sexual undertone to the whole thing. It's got women being coy in the name of "awareness", while everyone acknowledges how lovely breasts are in suggestive ways. It's cute, I guess, but do cut the crap eventually. I fear this just gives another reason for women to have repressed, withheld desires, or, rather, perpetuate the idea that they should. Because, if you do, you can use it as a means to an end, whether to get a free beer or a nice dinner. Lame.

2. This Cracked article hits pretty much every issue I'm concerned with in the future. I highly recommend it.

It's almost too much to hit in one post, and since I don't have a semblance of an answer (neither does he), I'll just let the link stand for itself. Someday I'll talk about that.

~3000

Today had everything to do with everything besides what happened 9 years ago. It was a great day, an awesome day. The twin towers only occasionally crossed my mind.

And that's how it'll be for more and more people over time. It's not a bad thing; it's a natural one. But there's always a difference between moving on and forgetting.

At least I didn't hear of any burning books.

On Skateboarding

I guess this would be a good place for some clarification on what this video's about. First, I should establish that my internship over the summer was just fine. It was on the software side, so a little different from where I might be in the labor market after I graduate, but I learned a lot from my experience (including stuff I probably should have already known). Everyone was so exceedingly friendly, even though we had disagreements on issues at every lunch. I would take an engaging discussion of important issues over stupid smalltalk any day, though. Absolutely.

But sometimes, when I wasn't getting much done, time would tick slowly. I began to worry about wasting the company's time and making a bad impression. The worry made the cycle become a dredging series of movements. And you know, I really do fear the 8-5 lifestyle and commute. Working on something you enjoy with people you like to be around might be the best release.

On a more concrete note, should I worry about the fact that you can discern where I live from this video? I considered starting and ending it before you could tell, but the impact of the beginning and end wouldn't be there. I considered spreading it around, but this concern is stopping me.

Though, not many people watched it, anyway.

On Melancholy and Ponytails

So it's been the entire summer without a peep from me. Plenty of interesting things have been goin' down, but amidst it all, it's been a busy time. I've collected tons of little Post-It notes about things I'd like to solidify into words, create, do, and remember. I don't exactly know when I'll realize that it's usually not time, but initiative, that prevents me from completing much of it.

But let's move beyond that. This entry is about a show I finished watching this weekend at the suggestion of a friend a week or two ago. I suppose it filled the void/quota of Japanimation that I wasn't meeting after the new FMA ended. The show is The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Now, obviously, this'll probably have spoilers. If you're already familiar or don't care, then you're probably good.

Now what and why am I writing here? It'll mostly be a conglomeration of thoughts about the series. I tend to do this about most shows I finish watching, too. I seem to have some mental need to unwind after becoming mentally and emotionally involved in something. So this post is for me more than anyone else. That doesn't mean I won't make it readable, though. I just get pretty bummed when I think about whatever just ended, and this is often enough the best way to get past that: to reflect, appreciate, conclude.

I think there's two primary elements I need to address about the series. The first involves the interesting story and lives that the characters lead, and the second is about the powerful philosophical concepts it touches on. The second will likely include all the similarities I saw from this series and other shows.

I generally get a little depressed after watching a good show like this because, in getting caught up in it, I get sad that my life isn't as interesting. It's embarrassing for me to admit that I have fleeting wishes to exist in Haruhi's subconsciously-created world, Amestris, Spira, whatever. It's probably not that unusual, but it feels dastardly feminine and against a lot of my cold, hard, rational beliefs. I've always been steadfast against staying ignorant of the matrix, for example. Now what does it say if I get lost in thoughts of turn-based battle systems, having prosthetic limbs, or running around in some "SOS Brigade"? That's a joke, of course, but there are lots of reasons that make each appealing, be it cute girls, adventure, or purpose.

We all want that nice story, that perfect series of events that makes for a great memory. We want a murder mystery on an secluded island in a storm that ends with a twist. We want to walk home in the rain with someone special and have to share an umbrella. What's interesting about this series is that all of these things can and do come to fruition, but for a better reason than just that the writers know it'll be touching, emotional, interesting. It's grounded in the story that these things happen because the "architect" wants them to. Yeah, it gets a little meta.

So everyone wants those perfect moments and events in their lives, but they don't always happen. Plus, it's certainly not with the frequency of a TV show/anime. Plus plus, we don't have a high school girl who can make them happen. Still, some of the point of the show (to me) might have been the encouragement to try. It's good to avoid the boredom. Later, though, this proves to be two-pronged. An appreciation of those around you, the life you lead, is better than a "grand upheaval". I'm having a hard time pinning down just what that could represent outside the series, though.

...We probably all have our own boredom bubbles, I think. Perhaps the cautionary message is just not to withdraw and forget what we have.

So that first and second "elements" idea has really bled together. The big thing I wanted to get across is how this series is quite similar to Evangelion, FLCL, and Inception. Evangelion because of the odd combination of fan-service and crazy philosophical nonsense. FLCL because half the time you don't know what the fuck is going on. The recent movie Inception because of the central character's ability to manipulate the world around her, alongside the uncertainty of the nature of this ability and reality itself.

The way the show is sequenced and presented, the usual cute love story, the utterly hilarious elements and cultural references, and the accuracy of computer usage and video gameplay make this a total and complete winner for me. When I start buying DVDs of my favorite series, this will be one of them.

Heh, now this is sounding like a review. More like unbridled praise. What's cool is that there's another season to watch, too. Hopefully after writing this, I can approach it with less focus on unattainable longing and listless post-depression. Well, that makes it sound really bad.

Thanks for sticking it out while I made sense of this show. Analyzing things like this helps me to both appreciate and properly place them in my mind, as opposed to letting them run amuck and making me confused and distracted. It doesn't mean those sentiments go away, but that they are in check. I'm always happy to watch something that makes me go through this, because it means it truly engaged me. I just have to hope I can keep mounting these mental obstacles.